Are Chinese Mothers Really Superior?
Amy Chua, an author, married mother and professor at Yale Law School has an excerpt from her latest book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" in the Wall Street Journal.
At last count, what she wrote had generated over 7,000+ comments!
The Mothers' Agenda could easily have several hour-long sessions on the pros and cons of what Ms. Chua has to say about her ethnic style vs. all the rest of ours.
As both wisened mothers and newbies at parenting, we are ALL experts on our own kids. But I'm hoping the MANY can use this article on the so-called "Superiority of Chinese Moms" to stir up some debates between the women and mothers in our school communities.
It would be great to formally talk together about what it takes from us to encourage our children to be self-motivated in their own learning and mastery of skills-- especially when our kids are labeled "at-risk," "disadvantaged" and "unable" to bridge "achievement gaps" with their White (and Asian) peers who have been afforded unequal resources in the best schools.
Mothering, especially alone and without an instruction booklet, is one hell of a hard job! And while it's really easy (and deserving) to point our fingers at what schools and teachers should AND could be doing to strengthen learning, we too-- need to look at how our own home rules and parenting could be done better.
And also. . . be better supported by one another.
Very few kids I have contact with (particularly my own) know what it means to:
- really work HARD by themselves
- plan and start a task, project or job
- stick to it until it's completely done-- from beginning to end
- remember to keep promises
- exhibit their obligation to family before friends, and
- make good on their commitments to themselves, to us and to others.
(Trust me, now that my kids have left the nest, I can see where I made some whopping mistakes by pushing them when I should have been easing up, and easing up when I should have been pushing).
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think materialism, commercialism, sex everywhere you look, the media's hook into our kid's psyche's, kids having to be "cool" in what they say and do, having to be entertained and instantly gratified, and let's not forget the ever present nagging from them to us about what everybody else's MOM and DAD let's them do-- serves to undermine and disrespect our parental authority.
School isn't fun after the elementary grades, if at all anymore. Middle and high school are especially hard. Our NYC Black/ Latino teens, by and large, are sinking-- not swimming.
Not to mention that in groups, their public demeanor, obnoxious behavior and crude language paints a bad picture of how Black people parent. (Ok, so I'm channeling Bill Cosby who caught hell for talking about this publicly. But to me, he's right to make us take notice that something drastic needs to change in the way urban kids of color are being brought up-- mostly without help, by us, their Moms).
Maybe Ms. Chua's article and having some Village Talks around the issue of raising children will jump start a paradigm shift.
What do we, as a culture of colored folk, value and hold in high esteem? When it comes to raising successful, productive, caring, kind, happy and wholesome children, what is it that we need to do better, or differntly in our homes?
We know these schools don't really care about our kids. We know that what they are getting from the DoE won't save them from what this brutal and racist society has in store.
It's urgently up to us to find the answers for ourselves, among ourselves, and in support of one another. We don't need well intended "others" to tell us about US. As women and mothers united in sister struggle, we need to ensure-- to the best of our loving ability-- that ALL of our community's Black/Brown children are as well prepared for bright and happy futures as they can possibly be under the circumstances of our marginalization in society.
Please share the WSJ article widely, and let the discussions begin!
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